I have a confession to make.
This summer, I have been addicted to “The Millionaire Matchmaker.”
Now, I am not a fan of reality TV.
Real Housewives? The Kardashians? Bachelors and Bachelorettes?
Not really my bag. We could get into a whole debate about the America’s addiction with feasting on other people’s turmoil, but let’s leave that convo in our back pocket for now.
But somehow, I stumbled upon the fast-talking, hard-hitting, uber-widsom of Patti Stanger of “the Millionaire Matchmaker” on Hulu and I. Could. Not. Stop. Watching.
If you haven’t seen the show, Patti is a ballsy babe that helps people find love. What she’s really doing is amping up men’s masculine and grooming them to be respectful gentlemen and likewise, softening millionaire-ess women to be receptive and more in their feminine. Quite honestly, we’d probably see a lot more happiness in relationships and dating if all of America took Patti’s advice to heart.
What makes Patti remarkable is that she is an intuition wizard. Or, for our purposes, a goddess.
In what looks to be super brief evaluations of a couple minute videos, she always pretty much nails it on the head at the root of the problem.
One of Patti’s favorite phrases is: “Your picker is off.”
This commonly refers to the LA or Miami party guy who always goes for model-y looking bombshells while claiming he wants to settle down but complains all the women he meets aren’t smart enough.
Or the CEO millionaire-ess woman who wants a man to protect her and be steadfast and yet also leans in to the model-y types. (Same complaint: not bright enough.)
When our unconscious conditioning or desires drive us, we can think they we are following intuition, but really our patterns are setting the picture.
It might not always mean leaning in to eye-candy model types, but this conditioning follows and leads us us in every aspect of our lives:
- We think we are doing the “right” or noble thing but are really operating out of guilt or low self-worth, or a need to be loved.
- We pick or attract romantic relationships that don’t treat us the way we want to be treated, or don’t show up or can’t commit.
- We are woo’d by great advertising or marketing of a coach, a program, a promise, only to be disappointed later by the quality of our experience or the hole in our bank account.
- We find ourselves in business situations or jobs where we feel like we are being taken advantage of, or being taken for granted, and we feel helpless about it.
In short, our picker is off.
There is so much talk these days in the self-help and spiritual worlds of following our own intuition, but I have seen countless examples of people doing crazy things in the name of just that.
It’s easier to see the best for others than ourselves sometimes isn’t it?
- The guy your friend is dating is not treating her well, but she’s swollen in emotion and can’t see it. In her mind— she is following her intuition and heart.
- We wish out parents, our loved ones, our friends would just: eat healthy, work out, find yoga or get therapy. (We know what’s best for them! Why can’t they just listen! 😉 )
- “The black dress, babe. Definitely, the black.”
Knowing what is intuition, following your heart, rather than just following the strength of your mind, is perhaps the trickiest landscape in this spiritual life.
Experience counts for something with intuition. Just a like a hot young basketball might be faster, or quicker than a seasoned pro who is nearing retirement, there is a wisdom and knowing that comes with years of practice and being in the game that can’t be substituted with flash or an eagerness of youth.
“What differentiates a conscious, centered being from a person who is not so conscious is simply the focus of their awareness.” –Michal A. Singer, the untethered soul
What’s interesting about the show is that Patti’s picker is spot on for other people, but it took a long time to hone for herself.
(Patti had an engagement in her 40’s, was often lambasted by potential daters for not having her own mate, and now in her 50’s, recently separated with another long term boyfriend.)
This isn’t a judgment of Pattti— it’s true of all of us. We are so interconnected with the thoughts, mind and emotions that consume our body—we don’t have the distance to witness and follow the “picker” of the soul.
This is why spiritual work is so important. It cultivates distance from our ego mind and puts us in touch with the limitless consciousness and the intuition that lives there.
This place never vacillates. There is no back and forth, judging, assessing, analyzing—
it is the seat of all knowing.
Yes, we all have this within us, and yes we can all access it at all times, but for most, we don’t hit it at first, straight shot.
Otherwise we’d all be walking around as little buddhas.
Instead (and this is not a bad thing) we need support.
The men and women regularly show up to Patti are at the end of their rope. They’ve tried love on their own terms and have come up empty-handed (and heart-ed.)
They regularly claim: “she’s the best.” They are counting on her expertise and intuition.
Without question, my intuition has become more laser-like in the last decade, particularly for other people. But I still very happily look to and invest in support regularly from (to name a few):
- a family constellation therapist
- a business astrologer
- a shamanic healer
- a women’s mastermind group
- dearest friends
- ongoing life mastery in the form of workshops, retreats, pushing crazy spiritual edges all over the globe
- not to mention a bestie I text no less than 100x a day
We all have blind spots in our lives where other people can see better for ourselves than we can.
The new paradigm of support is finding mentors, coaches, teachers, tribe, that are not just setting structured goals around numbers or desires,
but factor in expansion and evolution.
Find the people who support you and see YOU in your highest light.
They will help you hone your intuition, and bring you closer to your truest Self: that witness that KNOWS.
Perhaps one day, we’ll all be the Patti Stanger’s of our own lives: expert buddhas that always just know.
But for today, thank goodness, we have each other. It takes a village.