(This isn’t a post about babies, it’s about fear. And how we are paralyzed by it. And how that fear is basically ruining everything. So, dudes, just please bear with me through the analogy…)
Right now I’m a part of several private, global mommy groups on Facebook.
The majority of these are huge groups 7k-30k members in them, so they are super active: convos going all day long.
Now, I (#fiesty #nastywoman) inevitably get going in on the controversial threads that get shut down by an admin: comments turned off, or wrist-slapped, rerouted to some string on which no one is actually posting.
There are woman and men from many countries and socio-economic strata in these groups.
Many groups “interview” you before allowing you to join— and what I have learned, bizarrely enough, is although the groups I migrate to are centered around one holistic viewpoint: natural birth, vaccination education, breast-feeding, etc… “crunchy” does not always equal “liberal” and certainly not “awakened.”
For example, it threw me the day that I saw I mom post a picture in a breast-feeding group, with a gun in a holster, shirt lifted by long red fingernails to expose it on her hip, asking “what other mommas were carrying?”
(Now, I wish I could show you a screenshot, but group rules on privacy keep me from doing so. I might just get kicked out for even bringing this up…)
To my tremendous surprise, there were dozens and dozens of comments echoing her “carrying” status.
Women talked about where they stored the gun. (Most popular answer was locked in the nightstand next to the bed.)
There were off-shoot threads on BABY WEARING AND CARRYING A GUN AND HOW TO DO BOTH. (I kid you not.)
One mom from the UK asked, “I thought this post was a joke until the comments started coming in. Are you all in the US?”
The OP (that’s Facebook lingo for “Original Poster”) stated she was.
The Brit replied “Huh, it is illegal to carry a weapon here.”
(Side note: there are 30 TIMES as many gun deaths in the US as there are proportionately the UK. Or, 2.9 per 100k in the US, vs. 0.1 per 100k in the UK.)
Here’s a couple quotes from the thread of women who happily carry guns and babies:
“Amen momma! Good job and I’m so glad you carry. Unfortunately this is our world now. I have two huge dogs in the house with me at all times, and guns.”
“Yep. I carry mace, a knife, and a 45.”
So…. if I were living in a place where I genuinely believed I needed to carry a gun, or mace, or a knife for safety (on my breast-feeding body, while wearing a baby) I would, um… MOVE.
The problem here isn’t guns or debating the 2nd amendment. It’s fear. And it’s fear rooted in old-school, old-paradigm patriarchy.
It’s fear as in: “I need to protect myself from something outside myself and in order to do that, I have to be on guard.”
It’s the opposite of surrender.
Or generosity.
Or Oneness.
And what’s really scary is that so many of us live in that place.
Now, we might not be a gun-toting mama… but the fear we live in looks like this:
- Being afraid to step out, take action. (Yet it’s always very easy to pinpoint how other people are not taking action or judging their choices when they do. “I am right = I am secure.”)
- Fear in trying something new. (I know what I know and it’s what makes me comfortable.)
- Fear of getting dirty, of conflict, of disagreement. (Main tenet of spiritual bypassing: “This isn’t the highest level of utopia and so I will not engage in order to protect myself.” Notice how that is still “protecting”— highest levels of spirituality are being present to exactly what is. You think a true Goddess needs to protect herself? She doesn’t.)
- Fear of losing our sense of self. (This ranges from: “You can’t take this gun away from me! I have rights!” to the existential suffering of awakening: Who am I if I no longer identify with this body, the culture I know, or the people most familiar to me?
These fears drive most of our lives, from simple every day worrying about a meeting, or our kid, or “concern” for others, to much larger, more paralyzing fears.
And we might not think we have anything in common with a gun-toting mama, but the truth is, we are all energetically connected. So not only will the mama affect us by how she votes, let’s say. Her resonance, the place of living in fear reaches us energetically.
And our little fears fuel the collective consciousness BIG FEAR. We are complicit. This is not a game of us and them, it’s all about WE.
So here’s the thing to remember:
We. Are. Not. These. Fears.
The worry will pass. The conflict will pass. The relationship will resolve. In two weeks, this crazy election will be over.
And why the world needs YOU, and why we need to continue to have this dialogue is to REMIND US OF WHO WE ARE.
To remind us that we are magnificent, and loving and wise beyond measure.
To inspire each other, so that when one of us is in fear (as will happen) we can look to our right or left of our chosen community and be uplifted by the person who IS stepping out, leaving the relationship, getting to the yoga mat on a rainy day or applying for the new job.
The person who is choosing something out of the norm, but closer to their own intuition. Because this is where we need to go now. Consistently.
We can remind each other: we are safe. I got you.
We can accept and forgive when others try to impose their fear on us. (Big one.)
We can live by example: I trust, I surrender, I believe I live in a world where I don’t need to walk around in armor. Yeah, I might get nicked every once in a while, but I would rather feel than hide.
We can drive from love.
There’s nothing wrong with fear, let’s recognize it, pull it in tight, love on it and let it revolutionize us.
Because to live in love when it’s all you’ve ever known is easy.
To live in it while constantly transmuting fears is alchemy, and that, my loves, is f’ing miraculous. That is living in the mystery. There simply is no sweeter surrender.
In love,
