Sometimes I’ve felt like an ‘Elle Woods’ of spirituality. Remember the 2001 movie with Reese Witherspoon, where the “Legally Blonde” gets into Harvard law school, and although she’s smart and innovative, everyone’s all judgy, because she looks like a Barbie doll and has the unfortunate attachment of needing to take her Chihuahua everywhere?
If you recall, Elle doesn’t co-opt to the boys club paradigm of what a “serious” lawyer is supposed to look like.
In my own development, teaching, practice, I’ve come across the same thing. In an oft-overlooked bemusing irony, which if you are reading this, you have probably experienced, people can be judgy when we don’t fit into spiritual stereotypes.
I’m not a pallid white sage (insert any here.) Or a Buddhist nun or Indian monk, head shaven and femininity demurely swathed in yards of fabric… because to be taken seriously on the path to enlightenment, you really shouldn’t be pretty, you can’t have too much fun… and please, don’t be snarky.
Long time seekers enter my workshop or space and see a teensy gal, maybe with a mani, maybe too smiley and probably with smokey eyes and I see it on their faces: “Oh really? This woman is going to show me something I don’t know? I’ve done 4 vipassana retreats, have my own healing center and was birthed to this earth clutching a life coach authorization. Really? Her?”
I like to swear. And talk about sex. And make fun of pejazzling on facebook. This too is holy. Everything is holy.
This quotation is yanked from a private email exchange with one of my favorite peeps, Stuart Mooney. (Thanks Stu, hope you don’t mind.)
“Spirituality has been decimated by spiritual people. People’s minds have such an angelic, perverted view of purity. Purity simply is doing without thinking.”
And we know this. Deep down in our core, we know this to be true, because we are taking back our Reality and bending the definition of the magnificence of the world to serve us, to reflect US. See ya, dusty religion. Enter: create your own divine. My new friend Bob Doto even teaches his own class in Brooklyn (of course) called “Start your own religion.” This is the ‘take back the night’ chapter of our sacred evolution.
What some of us may not have realized is that we have no choice about who we are. So please excuse my sass, and instead compliment my fantastic earrings, because I didn’t make this baby… and I also didn’t choose to be a cheeky cheerleader for awareness + consciousness, but it looks like this is how it’s rolling out.
The bag of bones we are in, is the hand that we have been dealt and the sooner we come to love ourselves, with no alteration whatsoever, in this moment, fiercely, the sooner effortless ease opens up for us.
The fact of the matter is, whether we are Lady Gaga fabuloso Monster #1 or a truck driver is irrelevant. It’s irrelevant because the truth of who we are so far surpasses any of the nonsense and trappings of this plane that once we have a glimpse,
once we stop forgetting,
it’s laughable that anything in this world is
a) impossible or
b) could bring us more joy than unearthing our highest, truest Self.
“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” -Buddha
It doesn’t matter who we are, what we look like, who we want in our bed, those desires are in each of us to be embraced and expressed.
When it’s clear that none of the physical panoply matter, then we truly accept the misfit that is this life. In the ultimate Catch 22, when we see we don’t need it, life moves closer and it is ours. All of life: riches, success, that great job, your mini media empire, hot sex, your summer size bikini’d tushie.
As Gaga said in her recent Google interview that spawned my new adoration for her: “Born This Way is about saying ‘this is who the f**k I am’.”
I could do things that would portray a more serious image of my devotion to (as the fab Akilah Richards @execumama called it commenting on my last blog,) being a “practitioner of Highest Self Realization.” I could douse myself in patchouli, wear all white and be careful and precious and gentle with my words.
But that’s crap. It’s inauthentic and anyone would be able to smell the crap a mile away.
I’m not here to be good. I’m here to be real. That’s what we’re all here for and that is why we are seeking each other out. That’s why you’re still reading. Because you know this.
Because we can be here + be big + loud + queer + colorful.
We can do this and exist in the highest states of consciousness.
We must do this to exist in the highest states of consciousness.
We’re enlightening our inner blonde.
Realization is there for me. And it is there for you.
Peace is there for you.
Love is there for you.
Your wildest desires are just that: wild, raw, untamed, sometimes seemingly unmanageable so that you can reach, stretch, grow, merge(!) with the version of you that you deserve to be. That you were born to be.
This is what oneness means. There is no separation. Not: there is no separation until you are peaceful, quiet, good or have 20,000 twitter followers. There is no separation, NOW. Ever. Exactly as it is…
The revolution of our Realization is not to be fought or conquered, it is to be unearthed. It’s an inside job. Stop improving, start realizing.
Here’s how it happens—it’s not about augmenting ourselves to shape a shiny monument of what we want to look like; what we think we are supposed to look like… It’s a wood-shedding, stripping everything away, letting go of all of our illusions and accepting the nasty bits and then the shiny has no choice but to burst forth. Life carries us—no effort necessary.
That’s the flow people. We get to a place where is no in-and-out. There is only flow. That’s where we’re headed.
And you know what? That’s a sh**y process. The spiritual path is not pretty, we have to stop wanting it to be because that’s what holds us back from seeing the truth.
When we start to excavate the brilliance that we are, life takes away the things, people, jobs, structures that no longer serve us. This sucks. No doubt. This is the most painful business around. Here is where our choosing comes in, we have to choose to be brave.
We have to accept every inch of ick, from the inner discomfort of our heart to the unease of our outer world. Stop looking around at other people wanting to be them. Let them inspire you, and stop there.
As the Lady said herself at Google:
“Look into the darkness. Look into places you would not normally look, to find uniqueness and specialness because that’s where the diamonds are hiding.”
The funny thing is, that once you get to know me, you realize I’m not an Elle Woods of spirituality. The uber-happy social media maven Gabrielle Bernstein with her gorgeous hottie self is probably more Elle. My inner blonde inches toward Gaga: bursting with a dark New Yawk love that begs for overdone eye shadow, belty drama and mindfully placed tattoos.
I’m good with this. Because I’ve let it go, I’ve gone beyond it, and now it envelops me more fully than I could have done myself. That’s the arc.
If anything, Love who you are. Love what’s around you.
If that doesn’t make you comfortable, start to sit with it until it does. Acknowledge the love is not there and it will come. Whatever doesn’t look good will exit your life and bring what does look good.
Where are you resisting your darkness?
The opening track to the Gaga album released today sings:
“I’m gonna Marry the Night
I won’t give up on my life
I’m a warrior queen
Live passionately
Tonight.
I’m gonna Marry the Dark
Gonna make love to the stars.
I’m a soldier to my own emptiness.
… Love is the new denim or black.”
It’s not the mega videos or the outlandish fashion. This is why Gaga is such a visionary. She calls for love and calls to get there by flushing and embracing our darkness.
Although your path may not be to sell out Madison Square Garden or make feisty Hollywood chick flicks, I swear to you, the experience that comes will be just as epic.
No.
More epic.
Because it will be: yours.
