This may be the stupidest thing I've ever done

Sent to inboxes, as MP3’s, it would my the largest undertaking of getting myself + this work out there, to date. Get people jazzed about awakening, with a big intention to shift them up. In palatable, easy doses while you’re cruising in the car, getting to sleep, etc. #yesyesyesyesyes. So juicy.

And it would be free, so, on my part- a risk, a leap: a lot of time + energy in cultivating content + in wanting it to be an energetic experience, holding space for that opening for others… (For those of you who heal, teach, have families, host events or parties, you know: holding space can be a beautiful but exhausting thing.)

I was giddy. I just wanted to get on the horn + wake everybody up.

Resources temporarily drained from my new site, I threw together a wesbite on my own. It wasn’t haute, it wasn’t perfect, but it would do. (Scootch over perfectionist patterning? Evolution! #winning)

*John of God* tells me I can’t drink or have sex or have black pepper or massage for 40 days? (Ok, yes, first, some internal pouting, yet then, almost immediately:) Fine. I’m in. I’ll be super awake, totally clear to serve even higher.

And then this past week? SLAM. WHAM. Down to your knees, woman.
And my ongoing family drama rears its head, bigger and uglier and more hopeless than ever.
And this (+ ensuing hullaballo) is scheduled to explode, via court date, with when I wanted this 21 day experience to begin.

And I was ripped wide open. 

Ripped in wanting to do the right thing by everybody.
Ripped by wanting to take care of other people and knowing I had to find some boundaries for myself.
Ripped by the thought of being a fraud: how can I possibly share all of this material when my home life is a disaster?
Ripped by the fear (practicality?) of how am I going to have the time and space to do any of this? Who the hell did I think I was, Deepak + Oprah??

And once I processed and calmed down and sat with it for a bit, I saw, that’s why I have to share it.

Because these are the practices that saved me.
Saved me from myself.
Saved me from bitterness, from being closed off.
Saved me from having every excuse to not show up, and deciding to show up anyway.

And all those things, made me, are making me, are making us together, into people who are solid and true. And making leading from the heart, not a woo, wonderland, burning man thing, but a HERE + NOW + REAL thing.

So that when the shit is flying everywhere. I show up like this:

Perhaps not literally naked, led by an eagle, totally fierce, carrying a huge stick…
but definitely metaphorically naked, led by an eagle, totally fierce, carrying a huge stick.

And when I looked around at my life and this, these weeks and took stock in what I was drawing in, rather than cleaning up… I looked and saw the incredible new people, friends, students, colleagues, experiences + the EPIC conversations we were having about the new world we’re in + how to bring it in. And I saw the people who are showing up are doing epic, magical things… those people who show up are the ones who are changing the world.

YOU are those people. We are those people.

I realized:

You know what? Maybe I am going to fail at this. Maybe it will be the stupidest thing I have ever done.

But if so, I am going to be naked, led by an eagle, totally fierce and carrying a huge stick. I’d rather go down like that than playing it safe, any day and every day.

If you want to join me. Check it out + sign up here:
http://www.awakening21.com

And if you wanted to share the experience with friends over social media, forwarding this email, text, or hiring the eagle as carrier, I’d be ever so grateful. (Because a gal can still be naked with a big stick + scared that no one will show up.) 🙂

Thank you.
Yours, in loincloth, with eagle.