I exited my bubble of Sacred-Valley-ness to a cold, crisp, “winter in the air” Christmas tree’d extravaganza yesterday. Holiday season, while nary a whisper in Peru, was all shiny, red, bursting + bustling at JFK airport.
As we head into Thanksgiving week in the States, holiday travel (and with it, expectation) is already in full swing.
We’ve all heard the Ram Dass quotation: “If you think you’re so enlightened, go spend a week with your family.”
And this idea bursts forth to our heart scene
no time more aptly than holiday season.
We hear, be the light, be in gratitude, spread love, but what happens when we try and we’re triggered, set off? What happens when we can’t be grateful?
We beat ourselves up, so then we’re not only upset in the situation, we’re upset at ourselves.
Not to mention, holiday season is the ultimate amplifier and comparison machine for where we are or are not in our life.
It puts undue pressure on relationships, titles and phases of life in a string of light illumination as to: why aren’t we there yet?…. as Aunt Bertha asks us for the 4000th time why we’re not married, or we have to sit over turkey with our brother’s new boyfriend whose tech firm’s IPO just went public.
On the other side of Holiday Spirit, the sun going down at 4 in the afternoon isn’t the only part of seasonal darkness. If we can approach our festivities with the awareness of our own phases and needs, we’re more likely to let ourselves off the ornament hook.
Even people who grew up in completely loving and supportive households find that integrating their spiritual path comes across some bumps in their family system…
If we’re not full force streaming from the heart (and although we all have the capacity to do this, and can practice, most of us aren’t there yet 100% of the time) let’s muster compassion for ourselves when that internal or external resistance, stickier than a popcorn ball, “pops” up.
Answers are different depending on our state of consciousness.
What’s most important to remember is that our family are our SOUL LEVEL relationships. We chose them, in a realm beyond this one, before getting here precisely to learn the lessons we need to learn. They trigger us most, because they know us best and are supposed to. How we grow and evolve in relation to them is perhaps our greatest marker of spiritual yumminess.
So, a very unscientific, but completely thorough yet simple evaluation on the 4 general steps of holiday consciousness and how we relate to our families. These phases can often last months and years at a time. Just remember, all in perfect timing 🙂
1. Butterfly metamorphosis: Just starting off on the spiritual path or a huge life transition. (Break up, got fired from your job, getting clean from an addiction, moving to a new city, perhaps a mourning or loss.)
This is perhaps the most sensitive area in our journey. Well meaning family members or friends that aren’t part of our newly desired “spirit squad,” just don’t feel on the same page. There’s no harm in skipping a holiday (or a season) with our fam, if we need to go hole up in Bali or an ashram or sit our bestie’s city kitty because we can’t imagine life 4 days straight without hot yoga.
We’re changing, things are new, they are vulnerable— we don’t go poking babies in bellies. Cocooning is desired + perfectly appropriate. Just do you.
2. Boundary Cha Cha: We’ve got oour “light” sea legs on. We take responsibility for our own emotions + reactions. If we are triggered we have enough awareness to walk away, take care of our own reaction, and then come back clear + clean. From that place, if boundaries or negotiations need to be set, we can make them.
When I wanted to not eat Turkey my 1st thanksgiving, all hell broke loose in arguments + positioning. In later years I had a ceremonial bite as compromise. The world did not end and my mom was happier.
In my early + perhaps most sincere years of yoga, I would want to leave my mom’s suburban house in Chicago to go practice. Each time, she would be upset, “Don’t go! You’re never here! Sit with me!”
She just wanted to spend time with the daughter who lived in another state. I knew if I didn’t get to yoga, I’d be a bitch on wheels, which wouldn’t serve anyone. First years I petulantly argued, then I set clear needs for myself so she would understand, now she doesn’t blink an eye about it and texts me what to pick up at Whole Foods on the way home.
When we’re clear about your needs without attachment (aka, sans drama), everyone gets on board. This can take practice, but that’s our learning.
3. Be the garnish, not the turkey: In the early bossy pants days of a spiritual awakening, it can be tempting to drag our family on to the woo train. Trust me, they don’t want your train. 🙂 I know we’re just trying to be all great and helpful and it would be SO good for them, and of course they need it, and who doesn’t!… but leave your practice to yourself, and once it’s integrated: offer a blessing at a meal. Sprinkle more genuine gratitude in your interactions. Give without expecting to receive.
One of my favorite things is when people tell me they are doing my meditations with one of their parents or their partner. That’s usually farther down the line— you’ve already done a bunch or work and your offer is not met with resistance. Just go be your own light, when you’re shiny, they’re going to want to know soon enough what’s up.
4. Bright Light, no matter what. Total acceptance.
“Do I need to protect my energy?”
“Omigosh that was an energy vampire!”
Mother Teresa was not concerned about energy vampires. She had work to do in the slums of Calcutta and she just went to it. Now, she was a saint and all, so I’m not saying we are Mother Teresa, but ultimately, we want to be in a place of light and acceptance so that that nothing triggers us. That’s the goal. That’s the place from which we authentically serve.
Now believe me, I just got back from the woo extreme worlds of South American witchiness, where it’s all about brujas and evil spirits and all sorts of crazy sh** we never think about. I get it— people can be icky, they can be lost, they can want to cause us harm.
So, aforementioned earlier stages os spiritual development? Surround yourself in protective bubbles, etc. Do what you need to do to float your spiritual ark.
High level maestras, shamans, curanderos don’t run from darkness. They integrate and transmute it. They go through it. They seek it out and run TO it. Basically, they are total badass in their light. Not fluffy, oh everything’s going to be fine, I don’t want to see it, I cut it out of my life, call in the angels! light. Badass, bright, TRANSFORMATIONAL light. I don’t know about you, but that’s where I strive to live.
Wherever you might find yourself this season, tripping or tangoing with any of these steps, just let it be there. We’re all on our way to badass, bright light. Of that, I am certain.
Cheers to tofurkey + transformation,
Wishing you and yours holiday everything!
xx
