I was pretty spot on with how I anticipated the conversation might unfold, and true to form:
“Mom, there’s an interview online at a really terrific site; it’s me talking about human evolution.”
“Margaret do you have any dates set up for this weekend?”
My mother’s concern for human evolution is much more localized than mine. As in, her grandchildren, my uterus. Or rather, why those two have yet to get acquainted.
An authentic retort:
“I’m sorry I don’t have babies yet, Mom. I’ve been busy with this little project I call awakening myself and humanity…”
…would not fly, so I spare us both the friction, assure her I have a hairdresser appointment next week and a bag of new, pretty, pastel, girly clothing on spring standby. The moment New York weather chooses to cooperate, I am ready to thrust onto city streets, open, ready, frilly + flirty, datable.
Thinking about dating has seemed an unnecessary distraction when I’ve had so much love all around me.
And let me be clear. “Love” is my new, pretty, pastel, girly way of saying: experience. Life. I’ve had so much life around me. Life breathed so fully that it pulsates with my awareness, housing its own heartbeat within each waking instant.
When the world begins to unfold in this new light, consistently morphing mundane to marvelous, you fall in love with it. It becomes love, everything becomes love, because the affection for the experience is awe-filled, admired, devotional. It can be (if you choose it to be) divine. At least through this little body’s experience of it.
Although my intended bramacharya experiment inadvertently extended to way way too much (oof) longer than a month… even in my hibernation of this interminable winter, I still have been spoiled with men in my life. Twitter has me falling, madly, deeply in love.
These men Everett Bogue, Satya Columbo, Mykel Dixon, and others have been singing to my *soul* lately. This is my online lovelife. I am playing the field; a little internet chippie. More of us find each other each week. This is who turns me on. Would you turn me on? Come find me.
I read their works, an ongoing thoughtsphere of letters between 140 characters and online manifestos, and I am home.
When you weed out the people praying to the Planet Marptha, those religiously zealot or too too preachy to one guru or principle, there is a surprisingly small number of people talking about this awakening business in a practical, real, grounded way.
There’s a surprisingly small number of people who actually know what they are talking about and are not just reaching to talk about something that sounds really darn nice but has yet to begin unraveling in their experience.
That’s what these men provide. The marriage of reason and magic, presence and power, edge and grace.
It’s not that I mind the people playing to Marptha, there are 7 billion paths and 7 billion people for a reason, I just don’t particularly veer toward the overzealous in any direction. I like to diversify. I kinda feel like we’re talking about some crazy sh**. We need to maybe try to not sound crazy when we’re talking about it. Ok, yes, ultimately, we are not these bodies, but while in these bodies, human nature is to still get the goods the way we want to get ‘em.
We all need to find our people. If you like hymnals and pews, go find those people. They might be a little dusty, but then I might just be a little judgmental.
Here’s the bulletin: the awakening is happening to EVERYBODY. Whether they know it or not. No one here is special, we’re just ahead of the curve.
Last year dated a really dynamic, super successful, turned out really angry kinda guy, who only vaguely tried to mask his mild disgust when he confessed: “I mean, I read your blog? Chakras?”
If he wakes up in this lifetime (and if what peeps are saying is true, there is a very good chance he will,) I’m guessin’ he’s not going to be doing it through chakra meditations. (Too bad for him since they’re: a) fun b) super efficient.)
So here’s the point of this post. Go find the people who are singing to your sweet spot, your soul, your gut or your privates, and do it fast. Because this is it, the time is NOW.
You are going to need these people because the world is overturning; things are going to fall apart, very quickly, in most gorgeous and some atrocious ways. If you don’t have people around you who remind you what your soul song sounds like, put your girly parts in a tingle, or your manly parts at attention, you my dear, will be screwed. (And not in the tingly, good way.)
Doubting.
Unsure.
Because if it hasn’t happened yet, everything you hold dear to your heart + head will be questioned, threatened, hazy or shaky and probably all of the above. And probably not just once, but over and again, past the point of “really?” and annoyance and to the cliff of surrender.
Cliffs? Surrender? Fear? Doubt? Ooooooh, I don’t like that Mags. I really really really don’t. I would like to tape affirmations to my bathroom mirror, trust that the world has my highest good in mind and vision-board my way to my deepest desires.
Super.
Yes, absolutely tell yourself you’re a hottie, of course the world is just for your perfect pleasure and here, borrow my glue stick.
But are you glue sticks and positive thinking when it looks like gunk? When the gunk shows up, do you smear it on your face as a mudmask or do you try to pirouette and aromatherapy it away?
There is a boundless universe of difference between perceiving something as uncertain and perceiving it as mysterious. That differentiation could manifest one way, for instance, as stress vs. happiness or fear vs. love. The only authentic experience we can ever possibly hope to have of life is when we have no idea what is going to look like. It’s time to get on board with this idea, and it’s time to be ok with it.
And the perception is not a decision. If I, or you, or the person selling the 12 downloadable channeled set of positive affirmations could bulldoze the change of perception into us, it would have happened by now.
The road to shifting that perception is the work that we do. Our awakening, our evolution is natural, but sorry sugar, you’re not going to spontaneously heal your resentments. We gotta work that stuff out for ourselves. We don’t get in our own way on purpose, we do it unconsciously.
If there is anything in our life that does not look the way we want it to, it’s not because we’re not doing enough. It’s because we’re not being enough. Being where we are.
You may not be ready to hear this. Or you’ve heard in 10,000 times and you’re still not ready to hear this. Or you know it, and I’m just reminding you. Because this is so advanced, well, it’s the last stop.
Get off here, be, and then go play.
Then?…
Let life make love to you.
Until it does, find the people that convince you it can, and keep them close to your vest. They are our reminders, our mirrors and support.
When you’re leading the edge, and believe me, if you are reading this, you very much are, that support does not often come from your backyard. So get out there a little and find the folk enamored with the planet Marptha or your own tribe of hottie bloggers you admire. They are there for you. To proverbially hold each other until Mom catches up that this is actually happening. We’re here for each other. That’s the whole exquisite point.
