Whoa nelly. Yesterday’s new moon brought EVERYTHING up. All day, literally dozens of ladies I know (raises hand) were losing it all over the place.
Texts, fb post, what’s app, private groups, calls, women out of the woodwork were contacting me, all: Waaaaaah, what’s happening!?!
It’s no secret that women tend to “feel” things more. (When we allow ourselves to.) Yesterday there was a cancer new moon, expected to be highly emotional (well done, moon,) New York was thunderstorming, and I could feel the energy of emotion ripping through my senses uncontrollably; it was going to be a doozy.
Not feeling your feelings is so last millennium.
Shift it up and find the love within? Oh yeah? Good luck with that when your (or your woman’s) hormones are raging and her lovely bits are pounding like a thrash metal band.
The fullest expression of woman is her wildest self.
Gents, you want wild in the bedroom? You need to allow wild everywhere. For thousands of years women have been conditioned to suppress their emotions, and all of our healing (not to mention our ecstasy) is on the other side of letting a woman’s emo run loose.
So dear men and women, how to deal with uber-emotion:
When you notice your woman (any woman) welling up with, or in the midst of upset, anger, overwhelm, please:
1. Shut the F up. Seriously, shut up. Most often, women don’t want solutions, they want to express. They need to be heard. She might say the same thing over and over again. You’ve heard this before. Let her say it again. She needs to go at it from different angles and multiple layers. Women feel connection when they feel heard.
This is not the time to pull out the spiritual wisdom of “everything happens for you” or “all is perfect, you will see the lesson one day.”
Tuck that shiz in your back pocket and adopt these phrases, pronto:
“Oh my god, that sounds so awful.”
“I can totally see why you feel that way.”
“I hear you.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
And this: STOP GIVING ADVICE.
I see this all the time on social media. Someone is trying to express a feeling, and there is a coach infiltrating with unsolicited wisdom. (No one asked you, coach Nancy.) A woman will usually need to express about something for quite some time before seeking advice. You know what seeking advice looks like? She ASKS you for it. Before that moment, shut the f up. (And if she is still in emotional throes, wise peeps know to hold the advice until the storms has calmed.)
2. Read her mind. I say this partially in jest, because of course, you can’t, but women are really much simpler creatures than you might think. Go with gifts. For reals. It’s not bribery; there is something deeply, unconsciously within us that allows us to feel loved when we receive gifts. It makes us feel taken care of that you would be so thoughtful.
A book, flowers from the deli. If you’re well off, splurge a little. If you’re not, make a card. Write a poem. Even a bad one- it can be a terrible poem and it will make her smile and feel all gooey, trust me.
If you work in an office environment that has many women on their cycle at once, and they are all getting emo at the same time?: box o’ cupcakes, dude. If you bring in raw desserts from any of the juice places or health food stores nearby? (i.e. sweet + no guilt?) You will be a HERO.
3. Physical stuffs. If you are partners, allow her to express and then take her whole heartedly.
If you want to sleep with her, and aren’t yet, DON’T use this time to take advantage of her vulnerable situation. Hold her, hit it with the gifts, and your time will come, my friend. (Whoops, no pun intended.)
If you’re friends, offer her a hug. I, personally, am not a hugger, but in my experience, most women eat that sugar up. Hugging scientifically affects women more significantly than men. Both sexes have higher levels of oxytocin (the “love” hormone) after hugging, but women specifically have reduced levels of cortisol after hugging. So, hug it out.
In case you need more convincing about the differences between men and women and how important these delicate emotional waters are to navigate, check out this genius and hilarious Amy Schumer sketch on “The Ancient Art of Female Emotional Combat”, which is SPOT ON.