so… i’m almost 39

I’m going to be 39 in a couple of weeks.

You’d think this is something I might start to try to be elusive about.

I don’t feel nearly 39. I certainly don’t feel nearly 40

And under the constructs of society, I “should” probably be panicking, seeing as though I’m sans husband or babies.

And despite what might seem an exotic, far-reaching, barefoot loving, jungle and bar-crawling pushing-the-edge life… you might be surprised to learn that all I’ve ever wanted was said husband and babies.

My mother might say I’m too picky.
I might argue, Life had other things in store.

I’ve always been great at vision; seeing what’s next + ahead of the curve.

And my last decade has been focused on the NOW. 

I have both clients in the throes of turmoil and students who have been with me for years that totally exist in a new paradigm.

There is no question, the effort + willingness we are ready to give our inner world has everything to do with how our outer world operates.

And who I am now, at 38 attracts an entirely different quality of romantic relationship, peer, student, client, experience than it did at 31. Or 25 or 17.

My body is my compass.
My heart is my barometer.
My mind is just a useful operating system.

And that’s not just from age, that’s from practice.

This is a time of expansiveness and evolution. No question, the world is changing rapidly.

And it can be incredibly frustrating when someone tells us “everything is love” and we try to reach for that and all sort of other things come up. Fear, disappointment, trauma, comparison, unworthiness or lack.

Fear to shine our brightest. Fear we’ll never have enough. Fear we’ll never be enough. Fear there is not enough time.

That comes up for me too. Of course it does; I’m human.

But let me tell you what I do know in my ripe 😉 age of 38; an age that feels more timeless than solid these days…

The secret to life is not rose gold-colored glasses that layer on a filter of love. 

The secret is the alchemy of turning our world, no matter what it looks like, to an experience of gold.

Innocent love is pure and sweet, but hard earned love (whether self love or divine love) holds that alchemical quality. Innocence is light. Alchemy is epic, transformational energy that will in turn change the world.

I promise, it’s worth it.

Don’t ever for a second, believe that the work you do on yourself doesn’t affect everyone around you. It does, at every moment. At every age. Every second we breathe into presence and transformation is literally revolutionary.

You are a walking angel. For reals.

It’s not just a couple minutes of meditation, or an hour on your yoga mat, or an effort at a better relationship with your inner world: it’s fuel to alchemize the WORLD to a more compassionate, connected, passionate, perfectly imperfect place.

And so although I am very much looking forward to the day that I can write about bringing life into this world + barrage your feed with an endless stream of my own little baby angels, posing on pumpkins + shining their innocent love light… for now, I’ll take alchemizing the world, side by side, breath by breath, with you.

Angel on,