Barefoot, on the Southern edge of Washington Square park, in a church filled with spiritual gangsters and rabble rousers, I shook my bump and my behind until it dripped salty, sweaty love.
In the midst of an overflowing room of sober, ecstatic dancers, nudged by the beats of my fave, DJ Tasha Blank, we got as close to “wild” as I think one might be able to get, in the midst of Manhattan’s concrete jungle.
And on this balmy night, as I danced, inspired by these hottie souls around me cutting it up, so Grace-full-y, I connected to a wish for my little bouncing belly + bebe:
I pray your life is filled with wild abandon.
Let’s put aside everything else: income, relationship, status, perceived freedom or achievement: is there anything more precious in this life than the capacity to live and experience it fully?
My last decade and a half has been in pursuit of this yogic merging with my Divine. And, in that time, that Divine has continually spirit-shifted to something ever more personal and closer to my Self.
Very early in the pregnancy, I had my first moment of connection with my child’s spirit within me and my internal Divine at the same time. And it was mind-blowing.
Ironically, it didn’t happen in meditation, but just walking down the city street, a physical, tangible experience of:
I am THREE in one.
And not the old-school patriarchal trinity of my Catholic upbringing and: the Father, Son + Holy Ghost, to be praised, worshipped and feared, posted as a cross on the wall, as something outside myself.
But the Trinity in ME. I was, am, walking creation.
Mother, Son, Divine Femme Spirit.
Holy sh**.
Never had I felt so grateful for all the work I have done on myself.
Because I know this being inside of me is already infinitely more powerful than I could ever be. And if I do a decent job, it will only to get out of the way of how brightly he can shine, while hopefully peppering his life with an instagram-worthy style, clean, pure food, some solid vacas, stellar education and constant love.
And who I would have been 5, 10, 15 years ago as a mother, is not the woman who would say:
I pray your life is filled with wild abandon.
She would have wanted other things for her children. Things that “completed” her. Or that made her look good. As though they were pets or accomplishments. Or things based on what society’s conditioning told her was right. She would have probably have gotten caught up in who they have to be, rather than how they get to be… as so many of us do, for even our own lovely selves.
And although today I still struggle with hormones and certainly conflict, and my poor partner solely bears the brunt of my pregnancy craziness— the dramatic, very expressive extremes of this “fully lived” life… (sorry, babe) it’s the letting it out— the letting it be, that clears that way for the full heart and the clear love and the laser-like intuition and intention that guide the rest. And that clarity will hopefully make me the best mom I can be. The best woman I can be. The brightest Light I can be.
And so today, I’d like to offer that to you as well, as a wish, a reminder, an intention:
I pray your life is filled with wild abandon.
More, I cannot wish you…
with summer sweetness,
***********************************
REGISTRATION NOW OPEN!
the ONLY Urban Oneness Awakening Course for the year.
ONE DAY deepening SATURDAY June 25th, 10am-8pm
ONE FULL Day, this is the initiation to be a blessing giver or a full day of deepening for deeksha givers:
Register HERE, $275 newbies, $150 deepening. Early bird full payment or deposit + more informational deets, HERE.
