This week, someone (guy, younger, tech world) interviewing me was surprised to hear my story:
“I can’t believe you went on a trip to India for 2 weeks and then stayed 6 months… that just doesn’t seem like anything a typical New York woman would do.”
I told him, that was my first big step, ever in my life, into following my intuition and surrendering.
It was terrifying at the time. Totally defying reason.
I had to completely let go of everything that I had been taught, and everything that had worked for me up to that point. No one was telling me to do it, it was an internal call, fueled by dissatisfaction with my current way of being. The chick wanting to break through the egg; the flower yearning to poke through the ground.
Something within me knew: there’s more than this.
A successful theatre actress, I toted a string of awards and steady work in my wake. I was an expert packer due to extensive travel, and although my face wasn’t on the side of taxicabs as some friends were, I was respected in the industry, sought after for new and exciting works— basically everything I had ever dreamed about as a kid.
But my relationships were a mess, I had constant anxiety and anger, insomnia nightly, addictive patterns in my eating and working out, and a propensity to drink far more than I needed to.
As stealing away to India was not quite yet “en vogue,” there was also a tremendous amount of conflict with my family for a variety of private reasons. And a truckload of childhood trauma I wasn’t yet ready to sincerely look at, in my early days of “I am love and light!” spiritual leanings.
And yet, on the other side of that terrifying, inexplicable, heart and soul led surrender, was my Real Life and a simple freedom I could not fathom.
BUT— again, I had to let go of what I had been taught. I was spiritually awake, the construct of my mind had no doubt changed. I was clear and free. And yet: broke. Single. Which might be fine if I wanted to live in a cave for the rest of my, life, but alas, I did not.
Something within me knew: there’s more than this.
And the Divine Femme within me started to pull forth. Asking me to speak, rise, celebrate, live, connect and share in sisterhood. She showed me the power of the energy in my body that was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
My interviewer went on to playfully spar with me on all my current teachings and unraveling into the masculine and feminine.
I explained what it meant to let go, drop control and cultivate the power to magnetize your life. How we had to do this otherwise we’d continue to be a world running on empty.
How women, in particular, felt they needed to to it all.
How flow and magic was actually possible in an awakened reality.
How the Universe was begging to take the lead to show us more than we ever thought could be possible.
“Yeah but can you teach that?” He was dubious.
Of course you can teach it; you teach it the way anyone teaches anything:
You fall flat, hundreds, thousands of times.
You research anything you can get your hands on.
You do the work.
You look for examples of people who have mastered life or work in this way.
If and when the work aligns, you receive Divine intervention and inspiration around it.
Breakthroughs, aha’s, changes in perspective, an exposure of your truest essence and being, beings to pour forth.
Then you turn to your tribe of women and you start to hear what they are struggling with— and you work with them, and you tell them what you did and what happened.
And they do it too.
And it works.
And over and over and over again, you start to see— we all hold the same patterns and conditioning.
And you work with enough women, many times you know what will be coming around the corner for them.
And you guide it to know if for themselves.
And it becomes really clear: we can heal this.
We need to heal this.
Our essence is longing to come out, play and lead.
Come closer, and listen.
There’s more than this.
x
